Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Conversations. And Barbies.

I am sitting at my son's tae kwon do class while my daughter is at Vacation Bible School.  I sat amongst some friends of mine and two girls (ages 5 and 11 approximately) who were sitting on the floor playing with various Barbies.  Below are various segments of the conversation during the fifty minute lesson.

Mom 1:  As you can see, Ken is naked.

Mom 2:  All the Barbies are naked at our house.  We have a little Barbie Utopia.

Girl 1:  As she fits Ken with a yellow fairy skirt Well he has to wear SOMEthing on his bottom.  He's going on a date with one of these girls later.

There are three Barbies lying against a bookbag on the floor, all dressed in different clothing.  Multiple hair styles and colors.  The two girls are supremely engaged in their play.

Mom 2:  What's that?  she refers to a few sheets of paper in Mom 1's hand.

Mom 1:  Oh, that's my thirty day de-tox.  I got it at yoga.

Mom 3:  I tried that.  I only made it to day three.

Mom 2:  Let me see it.  She scans the document awhile.

Girl 1 finds a lip gloss applicator in the book bag and begins to apply imaginary make-up to each of the three Barbie's faces.  She is meticulous:  eye shadow, lip gloss, blush, etc.  Girl 2 brushes each doll's hair with a miniature brush.  

Girl 2:  She's getting ready for her date.

Girl 2 attempts to fit Ken into a new skirt (there are no "Ken" clothes around), but it won't go over his hips.

Mom 2:  It's just not meant to fit Ken.  His hips are too big.  This is a lesson in why Ken shouldn't be a cross-dresser.

There is some laughter.

Mom 2:  still scanning the thirty day de-tox  Okay - no sugar - not a problem, I don't really do sugar anyway...  scans further  Oh.  I couldn't do no starches.  I like my starches: corn, mashed potatoes...

Mom 3:  Yep, that's when I quit.

Mom 1:  I haven't even read it yet - you guys reading it out loud is the first time I'm hearing it.

Mom 4:  Are you doing this to lose weight?  She is incredulous.

Mom 1:  No, I'm not.  I'm doing it to be healthy.  I went to a nutrition class at my yoga place and we got it there.  I do need to lose weight though.

Mom 2:  Excuse me?  You do NOT need to lose weight.

Mom 1:  I just want to lose this gut.

Mom 2:  rolls eyes

Girl 1 puts the finishing touches on Barbie's make-up.  Ken is back in the yellow fairy skirt.

The conversation amongst the moms moves from bellies to breasts:

Mom 3:  Well I don't have anything up here.

Mom 2:  Well I'd give you some of mine if I could.

Mom 1:  I don't think your husband would like that.

Mom 2:  You're right.  He'd be all, 'where'd they go?'  makes desperate searching motions with her hands and arms.  All laugh.  

Mom 2:  You know men like big boobs and big booties.

Mom 3:  But I don't have big tits.  So I can't have a big booty.  I'd be all imbalanced.


Mom 1:  Right, it's a balance thing.

Mom 2:  Well I wouldn't want to be imbalanced.

Ken has now chosen THE Barbie for his date night.  He is donned in the yellow fairy skirt and only the yellow fairy skirt.  

Mom 1:  No underwear.

Mom 2:  Looks like he's got a Scottish thing goin' on there.

Giggling as we all acknowledge Ken's lack of undergarments.

Ken and Barbie hold one another as Girl 1 dances them across the floor.  The tae kwon do class ends.  We congratulate our kids on their accomplishments and gather their belongings so we can move on to the rest of our day.  

Mom 2:  I tried Weight Watchers - it didn't work for me.

The Barbies are packed away into the bookbag and the bag is zipped tightly.  The kids chatter.  As our car pulls out of the parking lot, my son sees Girl 2 walking with Mom 1 to their vehicle - he rolls down his window:

My son:  Bye, _________!

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