Wednesday, February 10, 2010

perhaps I have been remiss.

I've had some questions as to why I'm writing this blog lately, and that's something that I need to revisit every once in awhile myself.

Right now, the answer is, I'm writing it because I feel like first of all, some of my experiences might be relate-able to others. That maybe some of the things that happened to me in the past could help someone else who is in that place right now. I'm also writing to log my own progress as a woman - my thoughts on femininity, and how the world is effecting me in general. I'm sharing some of these things because I think they'll help someone out there. I'm sharing some of these things because they'll help me.

My femininity is something that I've struggled with over the years. Not knowing what to do with myself exactly, feeling strange wearing pink, feeling strange having all guy friends, feeling strange playing football with the guys, and then feeling strange noting the feelings that change when you get married, when you have babies, when you shave your head...

I've also wanted to log my experiences since shaving my head with the general populous and with my own self image, mainly because before I did it I couldn't find anyone else who had much to say about the idea or the process or the response of society to the act. That's how the blog sort of had it's beginnings.

So...I guess this blog is a lot of things - but really it is my own experimentation with my femininity, my feminism, my exploration of how my past has shaped me and how I can grow out of that - how I'm changing now. It's a log of a lot of those things.

I've been called a lot of things for writing this blog. I've been called brave. I've been called self-centered. I've been called mature and childish. I've had really positive comments and really negative ones.

The real deal is, I'm a writer. I write. I can't really help it. I've chosen to share this little part of my writing with a wider audience. It's not everything that goes on in my head or that goes on in my life or that I think about, but it's things I feel are relevant to this little section of who I am as a human being. I'm not writing to gain sympathy for myself or to change anyone's mind or to preach. Sure, if something I write helps someone, then that's awesome. I feel a real calling to share my story with younger women because I wish I had someone to tell me some of these things when I WAS a younger woman. This blog is part of that calling. It's also a place to formulate my thoughts on what I see, hear, and think when it comes to living as a woman in the world today.

I hope that clears things up for those of you who were questioning, and if not, my apologies. I tend to be pretty stream of consciousness, and sometimes I miss important things. If you're interested in what I'm writing, then please keep reading. If you're not, then please stop and go about your life. Two readers or two hundred readers or just me and the blank page, I'll be here until I no longer need to be.

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