Saturday, December 26, 2009

11 PM. Saturday.

I realize it has been awhile since my last post because I had to sign-in to Blogger today. I have never had to do this up to this point since I got an account. Not sure how I feel about this - probably more indifferent than I should, considering I have career aspirations in this vein, but I find myself shrugging because I am really motivated by the excitement created in me by new reading material and ideas pumping through my brain.

This burst of creativity probably has a lot to do with the fact that I've had a lot of caffeine in the past few days.

I admit that I have been a serious caffeine addict in the past.

During college I subsisted on four or five cups of cappuccino every day - many of those cups after 10 PM. I found that caffeine fed my creative juices and kept them flowing during the wee hours of the night when I actually had alone time to be productive in my writing or drawing.

Right now, it's 11 PM.

I should be sleeping. I ran 3.4 miles today and have been hosting my in-laws and we just finished busy holidays, but instead, I'm here typing in my t-shirt and underwear in my bed while my husband sleeps next to me.

I'll be blunt.

I've been a little untruthful in my blogs up to this point - at least lately. I feel repetitive and dry and I think it's because this blog started as a point of self-reflection and turned into a self-help book.

I felt like I shouldn't be blogging if I didn't have something fresh and educational to say to people - something life changing and inspirational that would drive people to action. And if it wasn't about feminism or women's issues then forget it. I just didn't bother including it.

Those things aren't fair to you, the reader, or to me, the writer. This isn't supposed to be about what you all should be doing. Maybe sometimes it will be, but I'm vowing now to only write about things that matter to me in the moment and things that I am thinking or feeling or striving for or struggling with, and not bore you with things I think you will want to know about.

The fact is, I don't know all of my readers personally. Some of you read, but never comment, and that is totally fine - but I shouldn't pretend to know the inner workings of your soul just because you read my blog.

So I'm turning over something new - or something.

I've been reading this book, 29 Gifts in 29 Days, given to me by a dear friends who I am only just beginning to really understand. She's a pretty deep woman - it's tough to even crack the surface - but it's worth it.

The book has shown me a lot about myself just today - I've read several chapters - that's how I roll - and given me a lot of motivation. That and the huge mug of green tea I nursed while I was reading just before bedtime...

Either way - I wrote down a lot of ideas that I'd like to blog about, and so I'm starting tonight. We'll see how far I get before I have a caffeine crash and fall asleep in my keyboard. You'll know by the random letters at the end of the post - that's where the caffeine ended and reality began.

Anyway - just wanted to post that that's how the cookie with crumble from here on out, so I apologize if every entry isn't relevant and poignant and specifically geared toward a certain audience. I promise now to just bare my soul.

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